


Catnip

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [46]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Drug Use, Daddy Dean, Dean is terrified, Dean isn't hungry, Drunkenness, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Highness, Lucifer and Apples, Lucifer wants to go to mars, M/M, Michael is a tickle monster, Michael misses his daddy, Multi, Not, So Dean agrees to pretend to be God, The angels want their mates, There aren't any zebras on Mars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2079489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam buys the angels catnip as a joke. Turns out that catnip is basically Archangel Crack. </p>
<p>Read it for the zebra, God!Dean and Tickle Monster Michael.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catnip

“Eat the apple,” Lucifer leers at Dean. “Eattttt it.”

 

Dean winces. “I’m really not hungry right now, Luce.”

 

Michael’s eyes go dark. “Eat the apple, Dean Winchester, or I will-” He bursts out laughing. “I’ll tickle you to death!”

 

Dean rolls his eyes. “I’m trembling.”

 

Gabriel glowers at him. “You should be.” His eyes go all sparkly and he grins. “Mikey is the angel of all things glittery and good and Lulu is the angel of apple pie and ice cream and cheddar cheese and salt.”

 

“Hey,” Lucifer slurs. “Only Michael gets to call me Lulu. You sound like a unicorn when you try and when Cas says it it’s all purple and OH FATHER THERE WAS JUST AN EARTHQUAKE ON MARS AND OH DAD WE NEED TO GO MICHAEL PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I’M GONNA DIE IF YOU DON’T TAKE ME!”

 

Michael shakes his head. “There aren’t any zebras on Mars, Lulu. We’d all die without zebras.” A zebra appears in the room and Dean groans.

 

“Where’s Sammy-ammy-lamby-bam-bammy?” Gabriel asks. “I want my Sammy!”

 

“Yeah? And where’s Adam?” Michael asks with a pout.

 

“They’re both in the library with Cas researching a cure because you’ve all been like this for two days,” Dean explains for what has to be the fourth time that hour, which is impressive considering it’s only 4:06.

 

“Hey, Michael!” Lucifer shouts. “Michael, Michael, Michael!” When Michael finally looks over to him, Lucifer starts to cry. “I just wanted to thank you for being such a good father to me!” He sobs loudly. “I’m so sorry you had to raise me!”

 

Michael and Gabriel both start to weep. “I want my Daddy,” Michael wails.

 

Dean closes his eyes in defeat. They’ve all been crying on and off for the past two days, but it’s still painful for him to watch. “Hey, guys, don’t cry,” he says gently.

 

Gabriel sniffs pathetically. “Will you be our Daddy?”

 

Dean forces a smile and silently curses God, which is strangely appropriate being that it’s the damn guy’s fault. “Of course.” He knows he’s going to regret it later, but he pats his lap invitingly anyway. “Come sit in Daddy’s lap.”

 

***

 

Five hours later, Castiel, Sam, and Adam find three archangels and one hunter cuddled up under the table while a zebra chews on a nearby chair.

 

“Oh God,” Sam says.

 

“I’m right here,” Dean mumbles sleepily.

 

Adam shakes his head. “I don’t even wanna know.”


End file.
